Saturday, October 31, 2009

Avoiding the ex

The most utilitarian thing about NYC is the luxury it offers of never having to bump into the ex at the bar because, unlike where you come from, there are more than half a dozen decent bars in operation at once. In fact, there are so many bars at your disposal, you could bar hop with every guy you make it past the texting stage and actually out on a date with, and you’d still never have to go to the same place twice. Don’t underestimate the value of this, even you married people! Nothing quite mixes like alcohol and seeing someone for whom you have unresolved or angry feelings - this is almost always a winning combination. I cannot count the number of times I have inadvertently caused a scene because some asshole killed my buzz. Of course, this risk increases the more exes you have, and the casualties worsen in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol you have consumed. The other side effect is that, often, these little run-ins impel you to drink even more and that can lead to a myriad of additional problems, for example, meeting your next future ex. Best to just move to NYC now and keep a running list of all of the bars you’ve been to with a date and, thus, expended forever. Walk a block and repeat.

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